So Sad I'll Miss It

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. 

~Garrison Keillor

Everyone Has a Purpose in Life

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Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

~ David Letterman
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So Far, So Good

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I expect to live forever. So far, so good.

~ Steven Wright
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The Odds

• 20% of Americans die of cancer, peaking at age 65
• 25% die of organ failure, usually heart or lung, peaking at age 75
• 40% die after extended frailty and/or dementia, generally around age 85

(from geriatrician Dr Joanne Lynn, in the New York Times, July 8, 2008)

Causes of the 2,423,712 American deaths in 2004:

heart 25%
cancer 23%
cerebrovascular 6%
respiratory 5%
accidents 5%
alzheimers 3%
diabetes 3%
flu & pneumonia 2%
kidneys 2%
septicemia 1%
suicide 1%
liver 1%
hypertension 1%
parkinsons 1%
murder 1%
all other 19%

(from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control)

Two good documentaries

Recently watched two worthwhile Frontline programs:

Facing Death portrays several people facing death, and how their families and physicians deal with the technological and ethical decisions. Chilling in its exploration if the fact that medical technology can now keep organ systems "alive" beyond any meaningful quality of life.

Living Old describes how most of us will face serious physical or mental debilitation in our last years, and follows several people and their families who are dealing with nursing homes and other difficult situations.

Both of these programs can be watch online at the Frontline website, linked above.

Things Fall Apart

We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
  

~ Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart

  

Providence

To stay
bright as
if just
thought of
earth requires

only that
nothing stay


~ A.R. Ammons

Stay Open

Shutting down and shutting out is a common reaction to disappointment, sadness and fear. When our hope and vulnerability are met with rebuff -- anything from an unreturned phone call to the death of a loved one -- it's easy to withdraw, to lick our wounds, to draw heavy curtains around our hearts. We turn away from our own tenderness, afraid to re-expose soft skin. We harden, our anger settling into muscle and bone like midwinter ice, our vitality and creativity frozen. We lose ourselves and each other, again and again.

To stay open, or even to return to a state of openness, in the wake of loss is a profoundly courageous endeavor. And it is a lifelong commitment, as we experience degrees of loss on a daily basis. But the more we practice staying open, the more we transform our old habit of shutting down. The habit of staying open requires mindfulness and dedication, but if we allow ourselves to feel the loss of "what dies inside us while we live," we are set upon the cracked-open path, keeping us close to grief and fierce joy alike.

-- Mara Applebaum, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, February 7, 2008

Make Some Decisions Now

Have you worked through the most basic decisions and commitments around aging and dying?

What kind of medical interventions and procedures do you want?

Who will make decisions in the event you're unable to?

What will happen to your stuff after you die?

I waited a long time to make these decisions and fill out the legal forms. When I actually did take the steps, I was surprised to find out they weren't that difficult, and didn't take long.

For $5 you can get a copy of Five Wishes, a simple workbook that helps you reflect on your values and start making some decisions.

Every state in the U.S. handles things differently, and has somewhat different forms to fill out for your advance health care directives. Here are a couple websites that provide forms for all fifty states: Caring Connections and US Living Will Registry.

And fill out a POLST (Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment) to maximize the chances of your wishes being carried out when the time comes.

What if our aloneness isn't a tragedy?

We are all born and someday we'll all die. Most likely to some degree alone. Our aloneness in this world is, maybe not anymore, a thing to mourn. Maybe it has to do with freedom. What if our aloneness isn't a tragedy? Tragic passing of love affairs and causes and communities and peer groups. What if our aloneness is what allows us to speak the truth without being afraid? What if our aloneness is what allows us to adventure -- to experience the world as a dynamic presence -- as a changeable, interactive thing?
~ Rachel Corrie, Let Me Stand Alone

High or Low, Old or Young

Whether people be of high or low birth, rich or poor, old or young, enlightened or confused, they are all alike in that they will one day die. It is not that we don’t know that we are going to die, but we grasp at straws. While knowing that we will die someday, we think that all the others will die before us and that we will be the last to go. Death seems a long way off.
Is this not shallow thinking? It is worthless and is only a joke within a dream. It will not do to think in such a way and be negligent. Insofar as death is always at one’s door, one should make sufficient effort and act quickly.
~ Hagakure (In the Shadow of Leaves), book of the samurai

Where Am I?

When asked by his pupils where he should be buried, Socrates replied: 
“If you can find me when I’m dead, then bury me wherever you decide. I never found myself; I cannot see how when I’m dead you could discover me. Throughout my life not one small particle had any knowledge of itself at all.”

“Too late”

We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The “tide in the affairs of men” does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: “Too late.” 
~ Martin Luther King Jr, April 4, 1967, Riverside Church, New York City

15 Million Alzheimer's & Dementia Caregivers

There are nearly 15 million people caring for individuals with Alzheimer's disease and dementia in the USA... American caregivers gave 17 billion hours of unpaid care... Most individuals over the age of 65 years survive for about four to eight years after they are diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease... 5.4 million Americans are thought to be living with Alzheimer's disease... click here to read the article in Medical News Today...